Setting Boundaries
Setting Boundaries
A basic coping skill in interpersonal relationships is the ability to set and maintain proper boundaries for our interaction with others and with the world as we experience it. Many people allow themselves to be imposed upon and even mistreated because of a poor self-image, fear of conflict, and uncertainty about their right to exercise control over their lives.
WHY ARE BOUNDARIES IMPORTANT?
Each of us experiences reality in terms of :
The body – what we look like
Thinking – how we give meaning to incoming data
Feelings – our emotional response
Behavior – what we do or don’t do
Setting boundaries enhances a person’s ability to have a sense of self and to control the impact of reality on the self and others.
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HOW ARE BOUNDARIES SET?
The ability or inability to set boundaries may take several forms:
1. The person who, because of low self-esteem, childhood training, or painful experiences in the past, is unable or unwilling to set limits and thus has no protection.
2. The person who builds walls to protect him/herself, thus blocking all closeness and preventing even healthy interaction.
3. The person who is confused or ambivalent about setting limits, wavering inconsistently between the extremes of building walls or erecting inadequate boundaries and thus gaining only partial protection.
4. The person who is self-confident enough to set limits, processing the experiences of life to determine their validity and appropriateness and then making the decision of what is appropriate for him/herself. Intact boundaries give measured protection as the person questions the experience through the filters of mind and feelings, accepts it within the circle when appropriate, and blocks it when it is “out of bounds.
The self-confident person knows:
“I have a right to control distance, touching, and other physical contact with people, and they have the same right with me. I have a right to control my response to what others say, do, or expect of me, and they have the same right.
“I think my own thoughts and make my own choices of what I do or don’t do, and others have the same right. If one of us offends the other, that person is responsible for the impact of his/her action, and should make amends.”
http://www.namb.net/ - unfortunately the original article has been removed (Dec 2011) – here’s the text on another website
http://redrockcounseling.com/resources/What+are+boundaries.doc
www.2Restore.wordpress.com
