Restore Counselling

Wholeness in Hamilton, NZ

Archive for the category “mental health”

Wear Love

Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.
Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ Jesus
- that’s where the action is. See things from HIS perspective. ~ Colossians 3:2-3

… [Put on] compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.
Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense ….
Wear love. Never be without it. ~ Colossians 3: 10-14

Be gracious in your speech.
The goal is to bring out
the best in others in a conversation,
not put them down, not cut them out. …
Do your very best. ~ Colossians 4:5-6

First Thoughts?

What gets your attention gets you.

Your thoughts precede your actions. The things you spend time thinking about will become behaviours and attitudes.

What are your first thoughts as you awake in the morning?
What do you think about in the shower?
What’s going through your brain as you eat breakfast (you DO have breakfast, don’t you)?
When you sit at the computer, what’s going on?

What’s your self-talk like? and your prayer life?

Now, how do these things reflect the quality of your life and your relationships?
Talk with your good friend/s about such things.

Seek the Truth. 

Over-Reacting – need a truth coach

When you over-react to a situation, start yelling, get edgy… ask yourself:~

1. What is the emotion or feeling that I’m feeling?
2. What is causing this thinking? Why is this a problem?
3. What assumptions are underlying this thinking?
4. God’s view of all this may be…
5. The real struggle for me is … (What input, insight will help?)

~ from D. Riddell.

Sinai Covenant and Marriage Covenant

Sinai Covenant and Marriage Covenant

It is an enlightening exercise to compare the Sinai covenant with the marriage covenant by interpreting the Ten Commandments as ten principles of conduct for married people.

Paul Stevens has produced a most perceptive comparison between the two covenants by means of the following table:

Covenant Between                           Covenant Between
Israel and Yahweh                          Wife and Husband

1. No other Gods                           1. Exclusive loyalty to my spouse

2. No graven image                       2. Truthfulness and faithfulness

3. Not taking the Lord’s name in vain 
                                                 3. Honoring my spouse in public and private

4. Remembering the Sabbath day 4. Giving my spouse time and rest

5. Honoring father and mother 5. Rightly relating to parents and in-laws

6. No murder                               6. Freedom from hatred and destructive anger

7. No adultery                            7. Sexual faithfulness; controlled appetites

8. No stealing                          8. True community of property with the gift of privacy

9. No false testimony               9. Truthful communication

10. No coveting                        10. Contentment: freedom from demands.

http://www.angelfire.com/journal/oneflesh/commandments.html

R. Paul Stevens, Married for Good (Downers Grove, Illinois, 1986), pp. 87-88

Escaping the Cage of Guilt

Got to love the title …

Wild Goose Chase – Rediscover the Adventure of Pursuing God
book by Mark Batterson, published 2008, Multnomah.

Chapters -
Escaping the Cage of Responsibility . . . . . .
Escaping the Cage of Routine . . . . . . . . . . .
Escaping the Cage of Assumptions . . . . . . .
Escaping the Cage of Guilt . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Escaping the Cage of Failure …

Quotes from .. Escaping the Cage of Guilt . . . 

Has someone hurt you? It doesn’t matter how deep the hurt might be, you must forgive that person. Why? If for no other reason, Jesus commands us to. One tiny seed of bitterness can grow into a debilitating obsession.

Much of human behavior stems from conditioned reflexes. Many are small and insignificant, while others represent major personality traits. To progress toward spiritual maturity, we must acknowledge these reflexes and allow God to recondition the ones that keep us out of step with Him.

For example, guilt is a holy and healthy reflex. But false guilt can wreak havoc on our lives. Most of us have an easier time accepting God’s forgiveness than forgiving ourselves.

The main struggle is not being able to forget our past. We think that our sinful past disqualifies us from God being able to use us. So we fret over sins we’ve already confessed. 

And what is ironic is that bitterness doesn’t do a single thing to the other person. It only keeps you locked in a cage. If you have the courage to forgive, it will set you free and recondition your heart.

The Look in Jesus’ Eye

 
No matter what your past may hold, I can promise you this: God has not given up on you. There are times when we fail so miserably that we feel totally undeserving of God’s grace. And how we respond to those times will make or break us spiritually. We can confine ourselves to the cage or we can uncover new dimensions of the grace of God.

taken from: http://www.christianbooksummaries.com
http://www.christianbooksummaries.com/past.php - scroll down and click on Download this summary
http://www.christianbooksummaries.com/library/v5/cbs0504.pdf - Wild Goose Chase

The Counsellor On Central TV

Mark was on Central TV - InDepth Live!  8.30am Friday morning.

On Christmas, depression, men …

The programme is being rescreened Saturday 4.30 pm, Sunday 8.30 pm, Monday at 11:30 am, Wednesday at 6:30 pm and Thursday [Christmas Day] at 9 pm.

That’s the ten minutes of fame!

We hope and pray that you enjoy your Christmas however you choose to spend it – but may you also know the peace and joy that comes from deeply knowing God’s love and grace.

Johanna * Mark

Don’t Medicate Christmas

Don’t Medicate With Alcohol and Drugs This Holiday Season!

Daniel G. Amen, MD, CEO, Amen Clinics, Inc.
www.amenclinics.com

Guess what the busiest month is in mental health treatment nationwide – January! Wonder why? For many, the holidays include a visit from “the ghost of Christmas past” who brings a tray full of unpleasant memories and unrealized expectations.

Sometimes we set ourselves up to fail during the holidays, thinking that for some magical reason this year will be different, when we’ve done nothing to change difficult family and relationship problems. It’s easy to slip into the “comfort zone” of overeating, isolating and abusing alcohol and drugs.

Unfortunately, the temporary relief provided by indulging wears off fast and leaves you feeling worse. And, the damage you do to your brain sets the stage for repeated failure. Here are a few things to consider as the holiday season approaches…

1. Alcohol and drug abuse damages the brain.

From the first scan I ordered on a patient with substance abuse problems, I saw very significant brain changes. A healthy scan shows full, even, symmetrical activity. Drug and alcohol abuse tended to cause overall decreased activity in the brain. These brains looked more aged, more shriveled, and more toxic than the brains of people who did not use drugs.

Heroin and heroin-like drugs, called opiates, caused severe decreased activity, as did much alcohol. Methamphetamines and cocaine tended to cause what looked like multiple holes or mini-strokes in the brain. Marijuana caused decreased activity in the frontal and temporal lobe areas (areas involved with memory and motivation).

All substance abuser brains did not look the same. Some people who have used drugs for a short time had horrible looking brains, while others, who used drugs for longer periods of time, had brains that did not look that bad. There must be genetic factors involved as well.

2. Alcohol and drug abuse is often a form of self medication (hot brains and cold brains).

One of the most powerful lessons we have learned from imaging is that many people who abuse substances are really trying to change their own brain chemistry. First, a word about what SPECT studies actually show us. We basically look for three things: areas of the brain that work well, areas of the brain that work too hard, and areas of the brain that do not work hard enough.

People with overactive brains, such as those with bipolar or manic-depressive disorder, anxiety disorders, certain forms of depression and obsessive compulsive disorder, tend to abuse substances that calm the brain down, such as marijuana, alcohol, or opiates.

People with under-active brains, such as those who have attention deficit disorder, tend to abuse stimulating drugs such as methamphetamine or cocaine. The drugs or alcohol make them feel better, so they continue to use, even though it has many other problems. It is essential to treat the underlying problems in order for them to heal from the substance abuse. Brain injuries are also involved in substance abuse in far greater numbers than most people realize.

3. The past is history and the future a mystery – let’s live today!

This can be a great time of year – I encourage you to take care of yourself, don’t overindulge in destructive behavior and don’t let your past destroy the present. Make new and positive holiday traditions, beginning this year! This year, be kind to yourself and your brain – it will make a difference for you and those you love!

To your brain health,
Daniel

Daniel G. Amen, MD
CEO, Amen Clinics, Inc.

www.amenclinics.com

F.E.A.R.

F.E.A.R.

When it all comes down to it, Satan’s attacks on you are intended to create fear and discouragement. We’ll cover discouragement later. Let’s tackle fear now. What does fear mean to you? For many of us, it’s…

Finding Excuses And Reasons

…for not doing the things we know we should do or that we know we want to do. We allow fear to stop us from reaching our potential. We allow it to keep us from taking that first step to build our walls. We allow it to paralyze us within our comfort zone. We allow it to make us…

Forget Everything And Run

..far away from what would often be the most effective approach to our fears – to push through them! If we examined all the fears of our lives, we would find that fear really means…

False Expectations Appearing Real

We have highly developed imaginations, and it’s easy for us to come up with worst case scenarios in our minds. If we don’t, Satan will plant a few seeds. But despite how plausible these seem at the time, almost none of them come true. Consequences are almost never as dire; outcomes are rarely as bleak. And besides, fear is the opposite of faith. God doesn’t want us to be fearful. His Word tells us:
For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

As of today, I encourage you to change what fear means to you. Redefine it to mean…

Face Everything And Recover

Or …
For Everything A Reason

Or…
Faith Erases All Reservations

Don’t allow any more False Expectations to chain you down. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Source: www.wallbuilder2.wordpress.com

Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries

A basic coping skill in interpersonal relationships is the ability to set and maintain proper boundaries for our interaction with others and with the world as we experience it. Many people allow themselves to be imposed upon and even mistreated because of a poor self-image, fear of conflict, and uncertainty about their right to exercise control over their lives.

WHY ARE BOUNDARIES IMPORTANT?

Each of us experiences reality in terms of :

The body – what we look like
Thinking – how we give meaning to incoming data
Feelings – our emotional response
Behavior – what we do or don’t do

Setting boundaries enhances a person’s ability to have a sense of self and to control the impact of reality on the self and others.

HOW ARE BOUNDARIES SET?

The ability or inability to set boundaries may take several forms:

1. The person who, because of low self-esteem, childhood training, or painful experiences in the past, is unable or unwilling to set limits and thus has no protection.

2. The person who builds walls to protect him/herself, thus blocking all closeness and preventing even healthy interaction.

3. The person who is confused or ambivalent about setting limits, wavering inconsistently between the extremes of building walls or erecting inadequate boundaries and thus gaining only partial protection.

4. The person who is self-confident enough to set limits, processing the experiences of life to determine their validity and appropriateness and then making the decision of what is appropriate for him/herself. Intact boundaries give measured protection as the person questions the experience through the filters of mind and feelings, accepts it within the circle when appropriate, and blocks it when it is “out of bounds.

The self-confident person knows:

“I have a right to control distance, touching, and other physical contact with people, and they have the same right with me. I have a right to control my response to what others say, do, or expect of me, and they have the same right.

“I think my own thoughts and make my own choices of what I do or don’t do, and others have the same right. If one of us offends the other, that person is responsible for the impact of his/her action, and should make amends.”


http://www.namb.net/ - unfortunately the original article has been removed (Dec 2011) – here’s the text on another website
http://redrockcounseling.com/resources/What+are+boundaries.doc
www.2Restore.wordpress.com

Breaking Spiritual Strongholds

Alice Smith, author of  “Beyond the Lie: Finding Freedom from the Past”, states in an interview:

We need to understand deliverance from God’s viewpoint.   God wants His children to be delivered. 

Alice believes it is important to understand God’s terminology. We are body, soul, and spirit.  When we are saved, the spirit is redeemed and saved instantly, but we have to work on renewing the body and soul daily, like it says in Romans 12. The body and soul are subjected to the fallen world while the spirit is God’s when we give our lives to Jesus. If a Christian is not actively trying to redeem their body and soul through the reading of the Bible and walking in the ways of God, it is possible for this Christian to be demonized, or possessed by demons, since the person is allowing them to have spiritual ground, which could also be defined as a stronghold. 

A stronghold can also be any mindset that is contrary to God’s Word. A person can allow strongholds in by thoughts or feelings. If a person has an inner pulling toward a sin and moves towards it, it can become a stronghold. 

For complete deliverance, the demons must be cast out and the strongman, or the demonic leader that heads these demons, must be cast out. There is a biblical order in which this must be done.  Alice says that sometimes people don’t get fully delivered because the demons are bound, but the strongman is allowed to stay. The way to identify and cast out the strongman is in the Bible.  Alice says that whenever one sees “the spirit of…” this is identifying what the strongman is. An example is in the passage Isaiah 61 where God promises to give the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  Another example is from Romans 8, identifying the spirit of bondage to fear.

Alice received her own deliverance through prayer and she says in the area of deliverance, God works different ways. It can be godly, respectful, and non-humiliating for the person. Alice is helping people help themselves by receiving the truth about what God says about deliverance and His total freedom.

 read more … Alice’s story

continued …

BEYOND THE LIE
Alice wondered why this sort of thing kept happening to her. Years later, she finally recognized the pattern of victimization in her life and with God’s help, she overcame it. An important key she learned was: Once the door of victimization and trauma is open in your life, it remains open until you (the victim) slam it shut.  No one else can do it but you. After this, you must establish the boundaries of how you will or will not allow others to treat you. One must take ownership and responsibility – acknowledge you have been victimized, and then you could talk about it and get truly healed. You have to refuse to let people abuse you again. The prevailing lie one may start to believe after being violated is “I deserved to be victimized.” You have to change that mental cycle or you will always have this problem. You must decide, “I will not be victimized.”

Also, you have to take some physical steps: stop procrastinating; ask God to show the pillar event, or the event that triggered the victim mentality; establish healthy boundaries and define them (examples would be a firm hand shake; square your shoulders; think of what you will say; speak in a firm, strong voice, and dressing appropriately, having a finished look). Sometimes as Christians, we have incorrect ideas of boundaries. People need to claim boundaries and set them. If someone says something inappropriate, address it – say it’s inappropriate and don’t cower. Don’t get into power plays and don’t let people be disrespectful to you. Recognize you have to toughen up. It takes a willful strategy, but you have to make the choices to change behavior.                           

Alice also says we should know about holy and unholy strongholds. Holy strongholds would be those things that God has claim on in our lives. Unholy strongholds are anything that holds us captive that keeps us from God’s call and can be triggered by circumstances or events in our lives or what we choose to let in. Alice says we can have a house of thought that we believed that have been contrary to the Word of God and God wants to be the stronghold. We will always be a victim and stay in a cycle of distress and self abuse unless we change our thinking and the way we live. To dismantle unholy strongholds, Alice says you need to recognize the lie/event, go back to event, repent, and remove and dismantle stronghold. You must speak/command the stronghold to leave and then claim new identity in Christ.

OVERCOMING AND OWNERSHIP
You have the power and can take ownership of your life – take it back by a changed mindset.

She says victimization can be in two realms, the spiritual and the natural.  We are sometimes victimized because we’ve embraced the cycle (natural) and sometimes there is a spirit involved (spiritual). Life altering experiences opened the door to trauma, the predator spirit was allowed, and opened the gates of the lies that keep us victims. Holy life experiences open up the blessings of God for us.

www.2Restore.wordpress.com

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