Archive for mental health

Breaking Spiritual Strongholds

Monday 28 July 2008 at 9:59 am · Filed under freedom, mental health ·Tagged , , , ,

Alice Smith, author of  “Beyond the Lie: Finding Freedom from the Past”, states in an interview:

We need to understand deliverance from God’s viewpoint.   God wants His children to be delivered. 

Alice believes it is important to understand God’s terminology. We are body, soul, and spirit.  When we are saved, the spirit is redeemed and saved instantly, but we have to work on renewing the body and soul daily, like it says in Romans 12. The body and soul are subjected to the fallen world while the spirit is God’s when we give our lives to Jesus. If a Christian is not actively trying to redeem their body and soul through the reading of the Bible and walking in the ways of God, it is possible for this Christian to be demonized, or possessed by demons, since the person is allowing them to have spiritual ground, which could also be defined as a stronghold. 

A stronghold can also be any mindset that is contrary to God’s Word. A person can allow strongholds in by thoughts or feelings. If a person has an inner pulling toward a sin and moves towards it, it can become a stronghold. 

For complete deliverance, the demons must be cast out and the strongman, or the demonic leader that heads these demons, must be cast out. There is a biblical order in which this must be done.  Alice says that sometimes people don’t get fully delivered because the demons are bound, but the strongman is allowed to stay. The way to identify and cast out the strongman is in the Bible.  Alice says that whenever one sees “the spirit of…” this is identifying what the strongman is. An example is in the passage Isaiah 61 where God promises to give the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  Another example is from Romans 8, identifying the spirit of bondage to fear.

Alice received her own deliverance through prayer and she says in the area of deliverance, God works different ways. It can be godly, respectful, and non-humiliating for the person. Alice is helping people help themselves by receiving the truth about what God says about deliverance and His total freedom.

 read more … Alice’s story

continued …

BEYOND THE LIE
Alice wondered why this sort of thing kept happening to her. Years later, she finally recognized the pattern of victimization in her life and with God’s help, she overcame it. An important key she learned was: Once the door of victimization and trauma is open in your life, it remains open until you (the victim) slam it shut.  No one else can do it but you. After this, you must establish the boundaries of how you will or will not allow others to treat you. One must take ownership and responsibility – acknowledge you have been victimized, and then you could talk about it and get truly healed. You have to refuse to let people abuse you again. The prevailing lie one may start to believe after being violated is “I deserved to be victimized.” You have to change that mental cycle or you will always have this problem. You must decide, “I will not be victimized.”

Also, you have to take some physical steps: stop procrastinating; ask God to show the pillar event, or the event that triggered the victim mentality; establish healthy boundaries and define them (examples would be a firm hand shake; square your shoulders; think of what you will say; speak in a firm, strong voice, and dressing appropriately, having a finished look). Sometimes as Christians, we have incorrect ideas of boundaries. People need to claim boundaries and set them. If someone says something inappropriate, address it – say it’s inappropriate and don’t cower. Don’t get into power plays and don’t let people be disrespectful to you. Recognize you have to toughen up. It takes a willful strategy, but you have to make the choices to change behavior.                           

Alice also says we should know about holy and unholy strongholds. Holy strongholds would be those things that God has claim on in our lives. Unholy strongholds are anything that holds us captive that keeps us from God’s call and can be triggered by circumstances or events in our lives or what we choose to let in. Alice says we can have a house of thought that we believed that have been contrary to the Word of God and God wants to be the stronghold. We will always be a victim and stay in a cycle of distress and self abuse unless we change our thinking and the way we live. To dismantle unholy strongholds, Alice says you need to recognize the lie/event, go back to event, repent, and remove and dismantle stronghold. You must speak/command the stronghold to leave and then claim new identity in Christ.

OVERCOMING AND OWNERSHIP
You have the power and can take ownership of your life – take it back by a changed mindset.

She says victimization can be in two realms, the spiritual and the natural.  We are sometimes victimized because we’ve embraced the cycle (natural) and sometimes there is a spirit involved (spiritual). Life altering experiences opened the door to trauma, the predator spirit was allowed, and opened the gates of the lies that keep us victims. Holy life experiences open up the blessings of God for us.

Comments (1)

Look After Your Marriage

Saturday 5 July 2008 at 9:22 am · Filed under counselling, mental health, relationship ·Tagged , , , ,

As a mother/father, wife/husband, and woman/man, the best thing you can do is to nurture and care for your marriage, your prime relationship on this earth.

Without a secure relational base, the family frays around the edges.

Treat your honey as your best friend - watch your tone of voice, how you request things (to be done), how you correct, and how you fight. Yes, learn to ‘fight’ fairly - no digging up the relics from the past, no bringing in other issues not directly related to the current ‘problem’.

Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Oh dear, to love and respect our friend-husband-partner, we need to be(come) so grown up and giving, even endlessly unconditional and forgiving in our love. Lord, give me patience and help me to try to understand!

Look forward, not back. Look for the new and the positive. Share your hopes and dreams for yourself, have shared hopes and dreams - as a team.

Remember: “WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE”.

Another maxim my DH and I used especially in the first few years:
IF IN DOUBT, PRAY!

And a Biblical exhortation DH and I have leaned on in recent years, referring to God’s help, but can still relate to us plus the children:
YOU DON’T HAVE COS YOU DON’T ASK.
This doesn’t mean God (or anyone else) will give me what I ask for all the time, but how can I be given what I need if I don’t share that with another?

We are created for community - living together, belonging together.

Blessings on your marriage covenant,
johanna*mark

–

Here’s a few helpful articles on Marriage :

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=weblog&id=283&wlid=9&cn=289
Interview with William Glasser (Reality Therapy now Choice Therapy) on Happier Marriages - personal responsibilty not external control; communicate interests and expectations to other without making demands.

http://divorcemarriage.blogspot.com/2008/06/choice-theory-from-glasser-quality.html  - Edmond Tay discussing William Glasser’s book

Relationships and our Habits
Seven Caring Habits
1. Supporting
2. Encouraging
3. Listening
4. Accepting
5. Trusting
6. Respecting
7. Negotiating differences
Seven Deadly Habits
1. Criticising
2. Blaming
3. Complaining
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Punishing
7. Bribing, rewarding to control

http://wglasser.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=27

http://www.divorcebusting.com/ - Michele Weiner-Davis

Comments

Forgiveness is a Gift

Friday 30 May 2008 at 7:11 am · Filed under counselling, mental health, relationship ·Tagged ,

Sent: Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Subject: News from Michele Weiner-Davis

divorcebusting.com

Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself

… Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view regarding your partner’s insensitive behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life. You walk around with a low-grade depression. You can’t feel joy because you’re too busy being angry or feeling disappointed.

In the face of these fairly obvious disadvantages, you hang on to your belief that, since you feel let down, you must not “give in.” To you, giving in means forgiving, letting go, making peace. To do so, would be tantamount to giving up your soul. So, you keep your distance. You interact in perfunctory ways, never allowing your partner to step over the emotional line you’ve drawn. And though the distance often feels intolerable, forgiveness is not on your short list of solutions to your dilemma.

… You need to internalize that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Letting go of resentment can set you free. It can bring more love and happiness into your life. It opens the door to intimacy and connection. It makes you feel whole. Forgiving others takes strength, particularly when you feel wronged, but the fortitude required to forgive pales in comparison to the energy necessary to maintain a sizable grudge. The person most hurt by holding out or blaming is YOU, no matter what the circumstances.

“All this sounds good,” you tell yourself, “but how can I ever forget what my partner did to me?” Good question. You don’t! Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. You will probably always remember the particular injustice(s) that drove you into your corner. But what will happen is that when you forgive, the intense emotions associated with the event(s) begin to fade. You will feel happier, lighter, more loving. And these renewed positive feelings won’t go unnoticed. Others will be drawn to you.Just keep in mind that forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It is a decision. You decide that you are going to start tomorrow with a clean slate. Even if it isn’t easy, you make the determination that the alternative is even harder, and that you are going to do what you must to begin creating a more positive future. So promise yourself, that no matter what the reason, you will not go another day blaming your partner and feeling lonely. Make peace. Make up. Make love. I promise you that the benefits of deciding to forgive go far beyond anything you can picture in your mind’s eye at the moment. Your decision to forgive will create a ripple effect of exponential changes in your life.divorcebusting.com

Comments

Moving Your Marriage Forward

Tuesday 25 March 2008 at 12:57 pm · Filed under counselling, mental health, relationship ·Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Moving Your Marriage Forward

-        by Johanna & Mark Whittaker, © March 2008, www.2Restore.wordpress.com  

·       Don’t keep unburying (exhuming) the past. Leave the past in the past. You can’t change it, so choose to move on. Remember, you’re on the same side.

·       Are you committed to the commitment made on your wedding day (and many days since)? Maybe check out and read your wedding vows again, when you’re ready.

·       Are you willing to build a good old-fashioned friendship together? Choose to be friends and friendly.

·       Can you imagine what a fantastic marriage between you two would look like in a few years time? This may take some work at and some working towards - expectations, hopes, future plans, and dreams. Keep coming back to work on this point.

·       Do you know about what forgiveness is?
- Letting go your right to hold on to any anger from the past.

·       Willing to consciously, clinically decide or choose to forgive your spouse? Your self?

·       Bite your tongue!! Stop those knee-jerk responses. What is for the greater good?
If you recognise a pattern of downward spiralling into argument, rehearse in your own mind how you can ‘bail out’ gracefully? “Got that wrong. Can we start again?”
What will build up? – and not tear down.

·       Know how to ‘signal’ (communicate, indicate) a wish or need to your spouse?
Assumptions are very dangerous. Yours and theirs. Check out assumptions gently.

·       Listen to the heart of the matter.
Husbands tend to miss the deeper, layered (often emotional) message/s underneath the words that their wife says. Do not dismiss what a woman says, Man. Listen to her heart. Girls don’t always want your ‘fix-it’ solution – they may just want to know that you are listening and caring. Listen to her deep yearnings and desires. She needs to learn to trust that you will care for her words and thoughts tenderly first.
Wife, ask your husband for more info. Give the man a plan. Give him the Reader’s Digest version of what you need. “a hug”. ‘I need you to say (this…) anytime now’ … “Have you thought about doing this instead …?”

·       Do not park nor lose your gentle sense of humour – but don’t be frivolous when your spouse is being sincerely serious.

·       Submission does not equal doormat. Respect each other’s strengths and convictions. Respect each other. Ephesians 5:21 – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
A man will need to recognise his wife’s intuition (sometimes even she can’t explain her reasons straight away). She will need to respect him and his loving God-given authority.

·       We learn from God about what LOVE is. Unconditional. Patient, long-suffering. On-going. A covenant, daily renewed.
Love is a verb. Love is what love does. Love is doing what is best for the other’s greater good at all times.
Practice saying “I love you” in various ways to your spouse, including in words!

·       Box or limit the issues or problem time eg between 8-9pm. Severely clip the time spent dealing with the issues. Quote: “What gets your attention gets you.”
Maximise the time to build your loving friendship. Have ‘couch time’ to pleasantly talk, hand hold, smile, play with each other, even a game of cards!
One of the authors’ early mottoes: “If in doubt, pray!” Brings in a fresh perspective.

·       Look for the good characteristics and actions of your spouse. Think of three things each night that are positive and good about your spouse. Write them down if you like. Bless them and tell them if you wish. Store up the blessings “in your heart”.

·       How’s your fun and friendship growing?

Other resources at: www.divorcebusting.com

Comments

Divorce Remedy

Wednesday 19 March 2008 at 5:58 pm · Filed under Current Quote, mental health, relationship ·Tagged , , ,

Again we quote Michele Weiner-Davis - if only she lived closer to New Zealand

–

The Divorce Remedy:
The Proven Seven-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage

The Proven Seven-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage

By Michele Weiner-Davis

Chapter One - The Not-So-Great Escape

People who are unhappy in their marriages often speak of feeling trapped. They yearn to be free from the tension, loneliness, constant arguments or deafening silence but worry that divorce may not be the right decision. After all, they took their marital vows seriously. They don’t want to hurt their spouses. They don’t want to hurt their children. They panic at the thought of being alone. They worry about finances. They fear the unknown.

Yet, the idea of living in a loveless marriage starts to feel like a death sentence. They feel caught between a rock and a hard place…trapped in a life of misery. Over time, many of these people slowly convince themselves that the benefits of leaving their marriages vastly outweigh the benefits of staying. They tell themselves, “Kids are resilient, they’ll bounce back,” or “In the long run, this will be better for everyone,” or “Sure, it will be hard for a while, but change is good for people, or “Anything has got to be better than this.” It’s not until they embark on the path to divorce and begin to piece their lives back together that they discover the real price they paid for their so-called “freedom”. Regretfully, this painful discovery comes too late. They have fallen into the divorce trap.

…

http://www.divorcebusting.com/sb_the_divorce_remedy.htm

Relationship Quiz 

http://www.divorcebusting.com/a_relationship_iq_quiz.htm

Comments (1)

the ancient art of querying

Monday 10 March 2008 at 1:50 pm · Filed under counselling, mental health, relationship ·Tagged , , ,

Check out the original article:
http://thekitchen.wordpress.com/2007/06/17/the-lost-art-of-querying/

… we’re going to practise the long, lost art of querying …

We’re going to spend 5 minutes where the other person talks and you just query – and listen – I mean really listen.
And then you’ll query some more. You’re not allowed to bring the conversation back to you - or give them your opinion on the subject - but you get to know the person and let them be known to you.
You’re asking questions to go deeper into who they are.

This will be incredibly hard for some of us. No doubt some of us will find it easy to talk about ourselves, but hard to ask questions and care.
But today you’re going to try and scratch beyond superficial conversation…

Others of us will hate talking about ourselves and find it scary to reveal bits of ourselves to a person we might barely know. But drop your guard! It’s something we need to do more often…

Would you believe that some people are even gifted at this whole querying thing? When they spend time with someone things just flow our of them from the queries they ask. But that takes practise, just like any art form.
So today we’re learning the ancient art of querying, and starting our journey towards becoming query masters.

Pick and random question from the list below, ask your partner the question, and then continue querying from that point for a full, literal 5 minutes.
You ask questions and listen, they talk. It’s fine for your talk to wander– these questions are just starting points in your queries.
After that five minutes get your partner to pick a new question and swap roles. You can do this as many times as you’d like to - or with as many different people as you like.

After you’ve queried each other, stop and share with the group or each other by answering this question.

“What is God up to in the midst of your partners life?”

—————————————-

What specific question would you most like to ask God?
What thing most worries you in life right now?
What aspect of your mum do you see in yourself?
What aspect of your dad do you see in yourself?
What’s something new you’ve discovered about God lately?
What was your childhood like?
What specific occasion as a kid do you remember being most happy?
What’s something you’ve recently become interested in?
What is your secret dream or aspiration?
What is one thing you want to do before you die?
What puzzles you about God?
What is your family like?
What Stresses you out? How do you unwind?
When do you feel that God is far away?
When do you feel closet to God?
What does being Gods creation, made in his Image, mean to you?
What’s the thing you’re most proud of achieving?
What’s the thing you most want to change about yourself?
What did you do in the weekend? What are you doing this weekend?
Is God challenging you to change any aspect of your life?
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do regularly, but just can’t seem to get it together?
What’s something that you regret not doing?
What do you feel most pressured to do in your life?
What do you like most about Jesus?
What scares you most in life?
When was the last time that you felt that God was speaking to you? What was he saying?
What would you most like to change in the world?
How do you deal with people that annoy you?
Have you ever forgiven someone?
What other career path would you also like to have taken?

Comments

Moving On …

Wednesday 12 July 2006 at 8:47 am · Filed under mental health, seminars ·Tagged

·       Quote: “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

”We’ve just finished 17 weeks of seminars on Wednesday nights.

We worked through DVDs of Grant Mullen www.drgrantmullen.com on topics such as mood disorders, depression, shame, rejection, fear, self-acceptance, burnout, forgiveness, deliverance, co-dependency - all the classic topics spoken of in counselling rooms globally.

On that website above, there are symptoms lists for mood disorders, Dr Grant Mullen’s specialty.Times of learning need to be followed up with times of practice and living in the new learning.

We hope and pray that the 25-30 people who have been with us this year will continue their journey - as we need to also. We have been teaching our children about over-reactions and what they can indicate. There have been some rocky patches for all of us this year, but we’re seeing the fruits of peace and family togetherness now. When the stress points come, we just climb up on the lap of God - an image that Grant uses often through his presentations.

Be like a 5 year old - totally trusting of your parent. Willing but not always useful - but there, and a valued and loved person in the family. My 5yo boy is now 6 and a half - but still as cute and adorable! Comes out with the funniest things. A surprise a day. I couldn’t be without him, even though it’s easy to be exasperated at the slow pace anything is done!

And .. [melt a mother’s heart] he comes for a Morning Hug every day, cos he knows that the day is just not the same if he doesn’t! I found it easy to identify with Grant Mullen’s picture of us being like a 5yo - trust, adoration, willingness, there. I had to work on accepting God’s love for me - this gushing waterfall of love that is freely given … to me!

I encourage you to learn of this AMAZING love and grace of God.
HE is in love with YOU.
Shalom,
Johanna  

Comments

Overcoming Shame

Tuesday 13 June 2006 at 5:36 pm · Filed under mental health, shame ·Tagged

Hello,
I’ve been thinking about SHAME - and the things we do to cover it up or dull its pain. We make VOWS that we … won’t get hurt again, won’t let so’nso do that to us again. Words like “Shame on you” become a curse. We get ADDICTED to whatever suits our weakness - like gambling, alcohol, pills, sex.

We may go along seemingly well - at least for a while. But life either speeds along screaming in first gear, or we slowly grind down. Our head and shoulders hang down. If hopeless enough, we get ‘beat’, ’give up’, or ‘blow’.

What LIE or LIES have we brought into?
What happened earlier in our lives (as kids or just yesterday) that we didn’t understand, or allowed ourselves to take the blame for?
What is the SITUATION where that LIE began?
If you believe in PRAYER, ask GOD to show that SITUATION and the LIE to you. Then, what is HIS TRUTH and HIS PERSPECTIVE?

We need to put away the lie and put on the truth. Need to do both. Then we need to live in that truth. I believe GOD helps us to do this - helps to regroove the groove. We can get into patterns of ways of doing things - we need to think and believe differently about a situation or an issue in order to behave differently. Sometimes it takes practice (and momentary ‘failure’ with self-correction?) to get it right.

To live without SHAME means we don’t need to erupt or react badly in situations where our image or reputation comes under scutiny. We will not be competitive, a perfectionist, or be busy propping up a mask to protect our real selves. We will have freedom of choice, be able to talk about and solve problems, and live happily with our human imperfections.

Blessings, not curses, be yours.

Johanna
Hamilton, NZ

Comments