Alice Smith, author of  “Beyond the Lie: Finding Freedom from the Past”, states in an interview:

We need to understand deliverance from God’s viewpoint.   God wants His children to be delivered. 

Alice believes it is important to understand God’s terminology. We are body, soul, and spirit.  When we are saved, the spirit is redeemed and saved instantly, but we have to work on renewing the body and soul daily, like it says in Romans 12. The body and soul are subjected to the fallen world while the spirit is God’s when we give our lives to Jesus. If a Christian is not actively trying to redeem their body and soul through the reading of the Bible and walking in the ways of God, it is possible for this Christian to be demonized, or possessed by demons, since the person is allowing them to have spiritual ground, which could also be defined as a stronghold. 

A stronghold can also be any mindset that is contrary to God’s Word. A person can allow strongholds in by thoughts or feelings. If a person has an inner pulling toward a sin and moves towards it, it can become a stronghold. 

For complete deliverance, the demons must be cast out and the strongman, or the demonic leader that heads these demons, must be cast out. There is a biblical order in which this must be done.  Alice says that sometimes people don’t get fully delivered because the demons are bound, but the strongman is allowed to stay. The way to identify and cast out the strongman is in the Bible.  Alice says that whenever one sees “the spirit of…” this is identifying what the strongman is. An example is in the passage Isaiah 61 where God promises to give the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  Another example is from Romans 8, identifying the spirit of bondage to fear.

Alice received her own deliverance through prayer and she says in the area of deliverance, God works different ways. It can be godly, respectful, and non-humiliating for the person. Alice is helping people help themselves by receiving the truth about what God says about deliverance and His total freedom.

 read more … Alice’s story

continued …

BEYOND THE LIE
Alice wondered why this sort of thing kept happening to her. Years later, she finally recognized the pattern of victimization in her life and with God’s help, she overcame it. An important key she learned was: Once the door of victimization and trauma is open in your life, it remains open until you (the victim) slam it shut.  No one else can do it but you. After this, you must establish the boundaries of how you will or will not allow others to treat you. One must take ownership and responsibility – acknowledge you have been victimized, and then you could talk about it and get truly healed. You have to refuse to let people abuse you again. The prevailing lie one may start to believe after being violated is “I deserved to be victimized.” You have to change that mental cycle or you will always have this problem. You must decide, “I will not be victimized.”

Also, you have to take some physical steps: stop procrastinating; ask God to show the pillar event, or the event that triggered the victim mentality; establish healthy boundaries and define them (examples would be a firm hand shake; square your shoulders; think of what you will say; speak in a firm, strong voice, and dressing appropriately, having a finished look). Sometimes as Christians, we have incorrect ideas of boundaries. People need to claim boundaries and set them. If someone says something inappropriate, address it – say it’s inappropriate and don’t cower. Don’t get into power plays and don’t let people be disrespectful to you. Recognize you have to toughen up. It takes a willful strategy, but you have to make the choices to change behavior.                           

Alice also says we should know about holy and unholy strongholds. Holy strongholds would be those things that God has claim on in our lives. Unholy strongholds are anything that holds us captive that keeps us from God’s call and can be triggered by circumstances or events in our lives or what we choose to let in. Alice says we can have a house of thought that we believed that have been contrary to the Word of God and God wants to be the stronghold. We will always be a victim and stay in a cycle of distress and self abuse unless we change our thinking and the way we live. To dismantle unholy strongholds, Alice says you need to recognize the lie/event, go back to event, repent, and remove and dismantle stronghold. You must speak/command the stronghold to leave and then claim new identity in Christ.

OVERCOMING AND OWNERSHIP
You have the power and can take ownership of your life – take it back by a changed mindset.

She says victimization can be in two realms, the spiritual and the natural.  We are sometimes victimized because we’ve embraced the cycle (natural) and sometimes there is a spirit involved (spiritual). Life altering experiences opened the door to trauma, the predator spirit was allowed, and opened the gates of the lies that keep us victims. Holy life experiences open up the blessings of God for us.

As a mother/father, wife/husband, and woman/man, the best thing you can do is to nurture and care for your marriage, your prime relationship on this earth.

Without a secure relational base, the family frays around the edges.

Treat your honey as your best friend - watch your tone of voice, how you request things (to be done), how you correct, and how you fight. Yes, learn to ‘fight’ fairly - no digging up the relics from the past, no bringing in other issues not directly related to the current ‘problem’.

Take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. Oh dear, to love and respect our friend-husband-partner, we need to be(come) so grown up and giving, even endlessly unconditional and forgiving in our love. Lord, give me patience and help me to try to understand!

Look forward, not back. Look for the new and the positive. Share your hopes and dreams for yourself, have shared hopes and dreams - as a team.

Remember: “WE ARE ON THE SAME SIDE”.

Another maxim my DH and I used especially in the first few years:
IF IN DOUBT, PRAY!

And a Biblical exhortation DH and I have leaned on in recent years, referring to God’s help, but can still relate to us plus the children:
YOU DON’T HAVE COS YOU DON’T ASK.
This doesn’t mean God (or anyone else) will give me what I ask for all the time, but how can I be given what I need if I don’t share that with another?

We are created for community - living together, belonging together.

Blessings on your marriage covenant,
johanna*mark

–

Here’s a few helpful articles on Marriage :

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=weblog&id=283&wlid=9&cn=289
Interview with William Glasser (Reality Therapy now Choice Therapy) on Happier Marriages - personal responsibilty not external control; communicate interests and expectations to other without making demands.

http://divorcemarriage.blogspot.com/2008/06/choice-theory-from-glasser-quality.html  - Edmond Tay discussing William Glasser’s book

Relationships and our Habits
Seven Caring Habits
1. Supporting
2. Encouraging
3. Listening
4. Accepting
5. Trusting
6. Respecting
7. Negotiating differences
Seven Deadly Habits
1. Criticising
2. Blaming
3. Complaining
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Punishing
7. Bribing, rewarding to control

http://wglasser.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=12&Itemid=27

http://www.divorcebusting.com/ - Michele Weiner-Davis

People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
Chuck Palahniuk (1962 - )

–

This is where a trained counsellor or a fantastic friend can guide you through to a safe place. It may be scary or unknown but you don’t have to go there alone.

And in Christ Jesus there is hope and security.

Sent: Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Subject: News from Michele Weiner-Davis

divorcebusting.com

Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself

… Lack of forgiveness imprisons you. It takes its toll on your physical and emotional health. It keeps you stuck in the deepest of relationship ruts. No matter how justified you feel about your point of view regarding your partner’s insensitive behavior, you still are miserable. When you wake up each morning, a gray tint shadows your life. You walk around with a low-grade depression. You can’t feel joy because you’re too busy being angry or feeling disappointed.

In the face of these fairly obvious disadvantages, you hang on to your belief that, since you feel let down, you must not “give in.” To you, giving in means forgiving, letting go, making peace. To do so, would be tantamount to giving up your soul. So, you keep your distance. You interact in perfunctory ways, never allowing your partner to step over the emotional line you’ve drawn. And though the distance often feels intolerable, forgiveness is not on your short list of solutions to your dilemma.

… You need to internalize that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Letting go of resentment can set you free. It can bring more love and happiness into your life. It opens the door to intimacy and connection. It makes you feel whole. Forgiving others takes strength, particularly when you feel wronged, but the fortitude required to forgive pales in comparison to the energy necessary to maintain a sizable grudge. The person most hurt by holding out or blaming is YOU, no matter what the circumstances.

“All this sounds good,” you tell yourself, “but how can I ever forget what my partner did to me?” Good question. You don’t! Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. You will probably always remember the particular injustice(s) that drove you into your corner. But what will happen is that when you forgive, the intense emotions associated with the event(s) begin to fade. You will feel happier, lighter, more loving. And these renewed positive feelings won’t go unnoticed. Others will be drawn to you.Just keep in mind that forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It is a decision. You decide that you are going to start tomorrow with a clean slate. Even if it isn’t easy, you make the determination that the alternative is even harder, and that you are going to do what you must to begin creating a more positive future. So promise yourself, that no matter what the reason, you will not go another day blaming your partner and feeling lonely. Make peace. Make up. Make love. I promise you that the benefits of deciding to forgive go far beyond anything you can picture in your mind’s eye at the moment. Your decision to forgive will create a ripple effect of exponential changes in your life.divorcebusting.com

Moving Your Marriage Forward

-        by Johanna & Mark Whittaker, © March 2008, www.2Restore.wordpress.com  

Again we quote Michele Weiner-Davis - if only she lived closer to New Zealand

–

The Divorce Remedy:
The Proven Seven-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage

By Michele Weiner-Davis

Chapter One - The Not-So-Great Escape

People who are unhappy in their marriages often speak of feeling trapped. They yearn to be free from the tension, loneliness, constant arguments or deafening silence but worry that divorce may not be the right decision. After all, they took their marital vows seriously. They don’t want to hurt their spouses. They don’t want to hurt their children. They panic at the thought of being alone. They worry about finances. They fear the unknown.

Yet, the idea of living in a loveless marriage starts to feel like a death sentence. They feel caught between a rock and a hard place…trapped in a life of misery. Over time, many of these people slowly convince themselves that the benefits of leaving their marriages vastly outweigh the benefits of staying. They tell themselves, “Kids are resilient, they’ll bounce back,” or “In the long run, this will be better for everyone,” or “Sure, it will be hard for a while, but change is good for people, or “Anything has got to be better than this.” It’s not until they embark on the path to divorce and begin to piece their lives back together that they discover the real price they paid for their so-called “freedom”. Regretfully, this painful discovery comes too late. They have fallen into the divorce trap.

…

http://www.divorcebusting.com/sb_the_divorce_remedy.htm

Relationship Quiz 

http://www.divorcebusting.com/a_relationship_iq_quiz.htm

Check out the original article:
http://thekitchen.wordpress.com/2007/06/17/the-lost-art-of-querying/

… we’re going to practise the long, lost art of querying …

We’re going to spend 5 minutes where the other person talks and you just query – and listen – I mean really listen.
And then you’ll query some more. You’re not allowed to bring the conversation back to you - or give them your opinion on the subject - but you get to know the person and let them be known to you.
You’re asking questions to go deeper into who they are.

This will be incredibly hard for some of us. No doubt some of us will find it easy to talk about ourselves, but hard to ask questions and care.
But today you’re going to try and scratch beyond superficial conversation…

Others of us will hate talking about ourselves and find it scary to reveal bits of ourselves to a person we might barely know. But drop your guard! It’s something we need to do more often…

Would you believe that some people are even gifted at this whole querying thing? When they spend time with someone things just flow our of them from the queries they ask. But that takes practise, just like any art form.
So today we’re learning the ancient art of querying, and starting our journey towards becoming query masters.

Pick and random question from the list below, ask your partner the question, and then continue querying from that point for a full, literal 5 minutes.
You ask questions and listen, they talk. It’s fine for your talk to wander– these questions are just starting points in your queries.
After that five minutes get your partner to pick a new question and swap roles. You can do this as many times as you’d like to - or with as many different people as you like.

After you’ve queried each other, stop and share with the group or each other by answering this question.

“What is God up to in the midst of your partners life?”

—————————————-

What specific question would you most like to ask God?
What thing most worries you in life right now?
What aspect of your mum do you see in yourself?
What aspect of your dad do you see in yourself?
What’s something new you’ve discovered about God lately?
What was your childhood like?
What specific occasion as a kid do you remember being most happy?
What’s something you’ve recently become interested in?
What is your secret dream or aspiration?
What is one thing you want to do before you die?
What puzzles you about God?
What is your family like?
What Stresses you out? How do you unwind?
When do you feel that God is far away?
When do you feel closet to God?
What does being Gods creation, made in his Image, mean to you?
What’s the thing you’re most proud of achieving?
What’s the thing you most want to change about yourself?
What did you do in the weekend? What are you doing this weekend?
Is God challenging you to change any aspect of your life?
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do regularly, but just can’t seem to get it together?
What’s something that you regret not doing?
What do you feel most pressured to do in your life?
What do you like most about Jesus?
What scares you most in life?
When was the last time that you felt that God was speaking to you? What was he saying?
What would you most like to change in the world?
How do you deal with people that annoy you?
Have you ever forgiven someone?
What other career path would you also like to have taken?

A good Proverb (19:22):

What a person desires is unfailing love.

Perfect. No strings attached. Unconditional. Secure. Never-ending. Never-leaving.

We aim to attain, but this is where we need God.

Welcome to 2restore.wordpress.com.

Check out the posts and pages and beyond.

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Choosing to have a good day…
Meet you here again soon!

Mark * Johanna
Hamilton, New Zealand

• Quote: “Know the Truth and the truth will set you free.”

I’m packed and ready for Fiji tomorrow. 3 hours flight, then 3 hours on the bus from Nadi (Nandi) to Pacific Harbour, 45 kms from Suva.

Seminars by night and counselling by day. It’s a case of the unknown, but I trust in a big God and know that He is able to deal with everything that could possibly happen.

How do we identify lies when we hear them? Do we know what the truth of God looks like? Like the mint worker who spends his time looking over the legit notes. When a fake comes by, he instantly recognises it cos he really knows what the real thing is like.

If you are feeling condemned or put down, that is a lie. If you are feeling the pressure to perform in a particular way - or perfectly - that is a lie you are listening to.

Don’t confuse condemnation with conviction. Where you feel judged but want to correct and bring positive change that is the convicting Truth of God at work in you. Ask God to speak the Truth in to your heart and mind and soul.

Choose Life. Choose Truth. Jesus is the Way.

Blessings on your and your household,
Mark